Guard Your Heart

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Always make it a priority to guard or protect your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life – especially so on Valentine’s Day.  No matter what our best game faces say, the heart will always reveal the true state of affairs.  My prayer is that you not fall victim to loneliness and the pressure to have or be a “Valentine”.  Get your head back in the game.  Stay focused.  Remember, choices have consequences! And the thing about consequences is that you don’t get to determine what they are or how long they’ll  last.

Pray that God would allow you to see the plans and tactics of the enemy, that nothing would catch you by surprise.  We have an adversary and he knows what you like and how you like it.  Be discerning and don’t take the bait.  Don’t allow your flesh to be stirred.  Valentine’s Day is just one day, the consequences of your actions however may not be.

‘Easy for you to say’, you may be thinking.  I speak from a place of experience. After dealing with what I considered to be a great loss in my life, I made a decision to no longer walk with the Lord. I told Him that I had had it with church, people and Him, that I was just going to be a backslider.  And that’s just what I did.  At a time in my life when I should’ve been running to Him, I decided to run away from Him.  In that time I learned a lot about my relationship with the Lord or rather the lack thereof.  In true relationship no thing should cause you to separate from Him.  That being said, I granted the enemy legal access in my life.

Long story short, I married someone I had no business marrying. All the warning signs were there; I kept hitting the override button and proceeding forward.  I made excuses.  I had already been in a failed marriage and though I was 18 at the time, I was determined not to do that again.  I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into but I grew to love my husband. I rededicated my life back to the Lord and agreed to have another baby (my daughter was 19 when my son was born) because my husband wanted to.  It wasn’t long into the marriage when I realized my husband was cheating.  Honestly, I doubt he was ever faithful.  He was seeing at least 3 other women that I learned of.  One he’d been with before we met and is still with her today.  The heat really turned up when I left and we ultimately divorced: threats, stalking, harassment, theft, manipulation, control.  I’d even go as far as to say bullying as well.  Why am I telling you this and what in the ham sandwich does it have to do with Valentine’s Day?  I don’t want you to go through what I experienced.  I want you to know that the right kind of attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking they might be the one.  I made choices and I received consequences – some short-term, some not so much.

You can make choices too.  Choose to believe that you are the apple of God’s eye. Choose to believe that Abba’s love for you is unending and that He is jealous for you.  Choose to see yourself as He does.  You are royalty and you deserve the best!

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Focus

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My post today comes as a warning to all those single desiring marriage. Focus! I think somewhere in the scheme of things we’ve allowed our vision to become out of focus.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring marriage. There is something wrong when our desire for marriage becomes something else…idol worship! Can I remind you that any thing and or person that takes our vision and focus off of God is just that?

Some of us have become so love sick with the idea of being someone’s wife (husband, for my male following), that we lose sight of God’s plan for us and what He’s given us to do.  If we’d be really honest, many of us should be shaking in our boots. We’re not ready.  We’re fragmented from previous relationships.  We’re not dealing with our issues or seeking deliverance.  Marriage will NOT cure you of lust, insecurity, mistrust, lying, cheating/commitment issues, anger and so on.  We’re looking for someone to complete us or make us whole. One half, plus one half only equals one in math.  In real life one whole person, plus one whole person, plus God equals one. Why is that?  Because a three fold cord is not easily broken. Because that’s the formula for a healthy marriage. If you can’t submit to God, how can you be submitted in your marriage?  Again, focus.

There’s a quote that reads, “The biggest cowards are those who awaken someone else’s love with no intention of loving them and those who entertain someone else’s pursuit with no intentions of committing to them.”  I urge you not to play with people’s emotions.  And if you’re not ready for dating that leads to marriage (because honestly for the Christian, what are we doing?)  If you’re not ready to die (flesh), you’re not ready for marriage.  Marriage is nothing to play with.  It is so much more than sex and romantic walks on the beach.  There are no do-overs in marriage.  No ‘Oops! I think I married the wrong person’.  Looks, muscles and hair will fade, but character will last a lifetime.  Can you live with this person’s character til death do you part?  Ladies if all you have to offer is lipstick and lace, you’re going to be in for a most rude awakening.  You better start asking God for balance now.  Are you prepared to pray and intercede for the man of God? Are you prepared to perform your wifely duties at the end of a long work day or long day with the kiddos (SAHM)?  Are you prepared to manage the home (meals, laundry, finances, and that doesn’t include the children, their homework and after school practices)?  Are you mature enough to leave your family and friends out of your marriage?

I know you’re tired of people telling you to wait on the Lord.  I know you’re tired of people telling you to get busy in the Kingdom so your king can come.  Trust me when I tell you I. Get. It. But as I sat in my bed pecking away on my laptop working, I was interrupted to ‘cherish this time of doing you because it won’t always be like this and you’ll have to share yourself and your time with your husband.’ The more I think I’m ready, the more I realize that I’m not.  Why? Because my focus has shifted.  I want somethings from Abba. He wants somethings from me.  And I’m enjoying the exchange.  Focus my friend.  Focus.

Be Their Parent: Boundaries Between Parents and Children

 

 

At the mere mention of this, I can feel some of you cringing.  Many will look at this and think, ‘Man, that’s simple’, while others will think, ‘I’m my kids’ BFF and we’re fine.’  I know we’ve grown in wisdom with each generation, but there are some things we ought not count out where it concerns our parent-children relationships. Trust me, I get it.  Many of us can recall a time where children were seen and not heard.  Children had no thoughts, feelings or opinions.  Children did as they were told without debate, explanation or question.  Some of us grew up like that and have made vows we’d never raise our children that way.  And while the children of today and perhaps some of their parents would say that type of treatment is archaic or demeaning, it actually wasn’t all bad.  I’m simply offering food for thought on the middle ground so-to-speak.  A little balance if you will.

Being a parent or parenting be it by birth, blended family, adoption, etc., isn’t easy to begin with, but seeking God’s wisdom and direction is an invaluable source for doing so.  Consider Proverbs 22:6 (MSG) – Point your kids in the right direction – when they’re old they won’t be lost.

Somewhere in our “YOLO  I’m just doin’ me” society, we stopped raising our children and have left it up to t.v., social media, the school and the streets and then have the audacity to say we don’t know what’s wrong with them when they embarrass us or get into trouble.

Put your phone down and talk to your children.  We can’t expect children to give us their undivided attention when we talk to them if we don’t model the same. Let them know you are there for them. Listen to them, even when they’re rambling on endlessly about what seems to be nonsense.  Sometimes there’s meat in the nonsense.  You may actually get to what’s really on their minds.  Ask them how their day was.  They need to know that you are concerned about them and the things that are important to them.  Include them in family discussions about the goals you’re setting as a family. Give them chores and consequences for not doing them.  Tell them no sometimes – they’re going to hear it from time to time and they need to know what it sounds like, looks like and what it means.

Establish  boundaries for your children, whatever they may be.  And if they try to test the waters, gently remind them of the consequences for doing so.

For my single parents looking to marry, get your children in order. This could be a deal-breaker for some.  If you’re having a hard time with respect and discipline now, marriage won’t cure it.  You can be loving and firm.  Believe it or not, children want to be disciplined.  Many of their friends don’t have anyone in their lives to correct them in love or be concerned with their general welfare.  By the same token, you must be in order as well.  Be careful not to make your children your “Bestie”!  Children should not be privy to the intimate details of your life.  This can cause your children to lose respect for you as they’ll begin to see themselves as your equal.  Find a friend you can talk to about adult matters-not your children.

Children need to stay in a children’s place and you can help them in that area simply by being their parent.

The Cuffer Comes But To Steal, Kill & Destroy

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With our timelines being flooded with cuffing season memes, I thought it befitting to share my take on it.  Let’s start with what “Cuffing” or “Cuffing Season” is.  Cuffing Season begins the day after Halloween and ends the day after Valentine’s Day.  It is a most unsavory time when men and women play tricks on each other and/or date down to get gifts during the holidays (Christmas, Valentine’s Day) from those desperate to be in a relationship.  For some the cuffing is mutual; for others no so much.

This is dangerous for a number of reasons.  During the fall and winter months (particularly the holidays), single people find themselves succumbing to loneliness and desperation. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a serious relationship that leads to marriage, I urge you to check your feelings and your motives. Playing with people’s emotions can get more than your feelings hurt.  Remember, choices have consequences. Hint. Hint. Wink. Wink.

Keep a watchful eye out for DMs and texts of sudden interests, lunch dates and casual hook ups for the Cuffer comes but to steal, kill and destroy: your joy, your progress, your peace, your self-esteem and as much else as he/she can get away with. Don’t fall for the trap of the Cuffer. I once shared a meme on my social media pages that read, “The right attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking  they might be the one.”

I think all singles experience loneliness at some point or another.  All I’m saying is don’t fall for the tricks, schemes and scams of the enemy.  Pray.  This might sound like a cliché, but I personally know it to be the truth.  Holy Spirit is Keeper and He will keep you if you first desire to be kept.  Now’s a good time to seek God out about you and what’s in your heart as you prepare to be an “us”.  Go to your accountability team, yes I said team.  Prayerfully you have a person or people who you are accountable to.  If  you’ve watched any of my vids, you know I always tell singles that they should have mature people in their lives who love them enough to tell them the truth (in love).  Be honest with them about what you’re dealing with; no one can help you if you’re lying.  Host some gatherings with friends and family: game night, dinner and movie, see the city like tourists, start a movie/book club, minister to those who don’t or won’t visit the local church.  There’s so much more to do than to be wasting time with someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. Time is one thing we can never get back.  Choose how you spend yours and whom with wisely.

Know Your Worth

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I pray that as you read this you would become vigilant about knowing and protecting your worth.  Know that you are royalty and should be treated as such for anything less would simply be uncivilized. (Some of y’all will get that.)

I am convinced that one of the reasons many of us allow ourselves to get into unhealthy relationships and situations is because we simply do not know who we are, and or our value and worth.  Somewhere along the way we have accepted the lies and tricks of the enemy about who we are.  Many of us have grown up in homes where we weren’t affirmed and so the world told us who we were and what our value was.  We looked for acceptance and approval any way we could get it from whoever would give it.  And because we don’t value ourselves, we settle.  We settle for the attention of the first man who pays us some attention and we end up putting up with sub par treatment.  Don’t mess around and get caught up with a Nabal (I Samuel 25)!  We end up mismanaged and damaged.   By the time God sends you your man of God your king, you’re beat up from the feet up.  He has to chisel away layers of hurt, mistrust, rejection, low self-esteem, rage, insecurity and self hate before he can even get to you!  It’s not fair to make him suffer because of what someone did to you who didn’t know the value of what he had.

Consider this. Whenever we purchase an item, say electronics for example, and have difficulty with it, we refer to the manufacturer settings to reset it back to its original state.  I challenge and encourage you today return back to the Manufacturer’s settings.  Return to the One Who created you.  Jeremiah 1:5 says that before the Lord formed you in your mother’s womb, He knew you and approved of you as His chosen instrument, and before you were born He consecrated you to Himself as His own.  Do you not know that you belong to The Most High God?  He is jealous for you.  He loves you with an undying love.  You are His daughter and He doesn’t want you mishandled or abused.

You are highly valued.  Know your worth and stop giving people (men, boys) discounts.  My pastor always says that greatness never goes on sale.  Stop giving boyfriends access and benefits that are solely reserved for husband heaven’s official Bae.  Stop allowing yourselves be strung along with the hope or promise of marriage when you know his intentions are not to build kingdom legacy with you.  You are worth so much more than that.

Don’t believe me?  Read and meditate on what God says about you:

  • You are the apple of His eye. You are loved, cherished and highly valued.  (Proverbs 7:2; Zechariah 2:8; Jeremiah 31:3)
  • You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  (Psalm 139:14)
  • God has awesome plans for your future!  (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • You are royalty and an heiress to His throne and you lead with integrity.  (Romans 8:17; Galatians 4:7; I Peter 2:9)
  • You are accepted.  (Romans 15:7)
  • You are complete in Him.  (Colossians 2:10)
    • A man or a relationship doesn’t complete you.
  • You are His incredible work of art.  (Ephesians 2:10)
  • You shine like a firework in the night!  (Philippians 2:15)
  • You are courageous.  (II Timothy 1:7)

As you read over these, ask God to show you you through His eyes.  Begin to see yourself as the Father does.  Hide yourself in His presence and allow Him to reset you back to His settings.

Kingdom Blessings,

Edie

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Meantime

 

 

All my single ladies! Where ya at? (I know it’s grammatically incorrect, but go with it.) So let’s talk about the meantime. You know, the space of time that happens between events, the time in between, for the time being, the interim.  Yeah…that.  If you’re single and desire marriage, what you do in the meantime is crucial.  To be quite honest, anything you do while in your meantime s it relates to any part of your life is crucial. But for this particular blog, we’re talking singles.

Sometimes the meantime can be just that, a mean time, but it doesn’t have to be. I want to encourage you to make good use of the time you have now while in your [temporary] single state.  What are you doing? Are you working on you?  Are you allowing God to show you yourself (you know the things we do that God isn’t pleased with)?  Have you confronted the issues of your past (forgive yourself, forgive others, apologize when necessary…)?  Are you even in a place to receive what you’re asking God for?  This is huge because we often ask for things we’re not ready for. What are you doing to aggressively advance God’s Kingdom? (Are you operating or being developed in the ministry/areas of ministry He’s called you to?  While God is concerned about every detail concerning you, He’s also concerned about the posture of your heart.  If you’ve ever heard the saying, “You’re the biggest project you’ll ever work on,” you’ll find it to be true. Some of us are so preoccupied with dating and marriage and what he better have if he thinks he’s going to get with “all of this”, that we really hadn’t even bothered to take a deeper look into what “all of this” he’s actually getting.  Know that the man of God has standards and expectations too.  If you’ll really allow God to develop you, you’ll find that you don’t have the time or space to be preoccupied with the romanticism of dating, marriage and fantasizing about it all.  Yes, I said it! Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be married.  I too am a single woman who desires to be married. All I’m saying is, let’s keep things in their proper perspective. Make sure you’re an asset-not a liability.  Stir up the gifts God put on the inside of you. Some of you are authors, entrepreneurs, coaches, counselors, mentors, inventors, investors and bosses! Let the man of God find you busy flowing in what God called you to do.

Consider the scripture Luke 19:13 where Jesus uses a parable (story) about money usage.  Even though the story is about money, see how it can relate to your meantime.  I say, “your meantime” because it’s unique to you and your station or season in life. What one person does in her meantime may not be what another does in hers. The Amplified Bible says, “So he (the story is referring to a wealthy businessman) called ten of his servants, and gave them ten minas [one apiece, each equal to about a hundred days’ wages] and said to them, ‘Do business [with this] until I return.'”  In other words, occupy, do business, get busy until I come for a return (with interest) on my investment.  How does this relate to what to do in my meantime?  I’m glad you asked.  The minas or money represent the gifts, talents and abilities that God has put on the inside of you. Money has value, so do your gifts, talents and abilities.  Money has direction, as do your gifts, talents and abilities. Money is a means of exchange, as is your gifts, talents and abilities. You are to do business: develop those things, allow them to make room for you, allow them to compound and gain interest until He comes for a return on His investment.  And most importantly, do it unto His glory.

Many Blessings to you in your meantime,

Edie

 

 

Just In Case You Missed It

Thank you everyone for your outpour of love and support on my blog.  However, I do have a small confession.  While I was learning how to navigate the site, I wrote a blog about two weeks ago that I didn’t realize posted.  Oops!  Anywho, many people commented on how they enjoyed the blog but didn’t really know what it was about or why I was doing it.  So just in case you missed it, here it goes…

145Girl (taken from Luke 1:45) is a blog dedicated to women, with focus on single women and women who are single parents in particular.  With that being said, I pray that all the moms had an enjoyable and restful Mother’s Day!  Mine certainly was.

There is a special place in my heart for single women and women who are single parents. In a Booed Up Bae Society, the pressure is on but only if you allow it be so.  Can all women benefit from 145Girl? Of course! We’ll discuss all kinds of topics relevant to our daily lives and apply what the Word of God says about it. I want to engage you in conversation and hear from you. What topics are dear to your heart?  What do you want to talk about?  You can fill out the contact form with your question(s) or email me at: onefortyfivegirl@gmail.com. Sometimes you need to know that you’re not alone, nor are you crazy. Like I said before, I don’t have all the answers but I’m willing to be transparent enough to show you my scars.  I’m willing to tell you the truth in love.  I’m here for women who have been hurt, wounded, bleeding, mismanaged, damaged, misunderstood or simply just trying to find her way.

So, what can you expect from 145Girl in the future? I’m glad you asked!  In addition to addressing/answering any questions you may have, I’ll be sharing whatever God lays on my heart  With Memorial Day just around the corner and the fast approaching summer vacay (not fast enough for educators and students though), I’ll be sharing some of my summertime recipes and fun things to do with the kiddos.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Many Blessings,

Edie