My post today comes as a warning to all those single desiring marriage. Focus! I think somewhere in the scheme of things we’ve allowed our vision to become out of focus.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring marriage. There is something wrong when our desire for marriage becomes something else…idol worship! Can I remind you that any thing and or person that takes our vision and focus off of God is just that?

Some of us have become so love sick with the idea of being someone’s wife (husband, for my male following), that we lose sight of God’s plan for us and what He’s given us to do.  If we’d be really honest, many of us should be shaking in our boots. We’re not ready.  We’re fragmented from previous relationships.  We’re not dealing with our issues or seeking deliverance.  Marriage will NOT cure you of lust, insecurity, mistrust, lying, cheating/commitment issues, anger and so on.  We’re looking for someone to complete us or make us whole. One half, plus one half only equals one in math.  In real life one whole person, plus one whole person, plus God equals one. Why is that?  Because a three fold cord is not easily broken. Because that’s the formula for a healthy marriage. If you can’t submit to God, how can you be submitted in your marriage?  Again, focus.

There’s a quote that reads, “The biggest cowards are those who awaken someone else’s love with no intention of loving them and those who entertain someone else’s pursuit with no intentions of committing to them.”  I urge you not to play with people’s emotions.  And if you’re not ready for dating that leads to marriage (because honestly for the Christian, what are we doing?)  If you’re not ready to die (flesh), you’re not ready for marriage.  Marriage is nothing to play with.  It is so much more than sex and romantic walks on the beach.  There are no do-overs in marriage.  No ‘Oops! I think I married the wrong person’.  Looks, muscles and hair will fade, but character will last a lifetime.  Can you live with this person’s character til death do you part?  Ladies if all you have to offer is lipstick and lace, you’re going to be in for a most rude awakening.  You better start asking God for balance now.  Are you prepared to pray and intercede for the man of God? Are you prepared to perform your wifely duties at the end of a long work day or long day with the kiddos (SAHM)?  Are you prepared to manage the home (meals, laundry, finances, and that doesn’t include the children, their homework and after school practices)?  Are you mature enough to leave your family and friends out of your marriage?

I know you’re tired of people telling you to wait on the Lord.  I know you’re tired of people telling you to get busy in the Kingdom so your king can come.  Trust me when I tell you I. Get. It. But as I sat in my bed pecking away on my laptop working, I was interrupted to ‘cherish this time of doing you because it won’t always be like this and you’ll have to share yourself and your time with your husband.’ The more I think I’m ready, the more I realize that I’m not.  Why? Because my focus has shifted.  I want somethings from Abba. He wants somethings from me.  And I’m enjoying the exchange.  Focus my friend.  Focus.


The Cuffer Comes But To Steal, Kill & Destroy


With our timelines being flooded with cuffing season memes, I thought it befitting to share my take on it.  Let’s start with what “Cuffing” or “Cuffing Season” is.  Cuffing Season begins the day after Halloween and ends the day after Valentine’s Day.  It is a most unsavory time when men and women play tricks on each other and/or date down to get gifts during the holidays (Christmas, Valentine’s Day) from those desperate to be in a relationship.  For some the cuffing is mutual; for others no so much.

This is dangerous for a number of reasons.  During the fall and winter months (particularly the holidays), single people find themselves succumbing to loneliness and desperation. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a serious relationship that leads to marriage, I urge you to check your feelings and your motives. Playing with people’s emotions can get more than your feelings hurt.  Remember, choices have consequences. Hint. Hint. Wink. Wink.

Keep a watchful eye out for DMs and texts of sudden interests, lunch dates and casual hook ups for the Cuffer comes but to steal, kill and destroy: your joy, your progress, your peace, your self-esteem and as much else as he/she can get away with. Don’t fall for the trap of the Cuffer. I once shared a meme on my social media pages that read, “The right attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking  they might be the one.”

I think all singles experience loneliness at some point or another.  All I’m saying is don’t fall for the tricks, schemes and scams of the enemy.  Pray.  This might sound like a cliché, but I personally know it to be the truth.  Holy Spirit is Keeper and He will keep you if you first desire to be kept.  Now’s a good time to seek God out about you and what’s in your heart as you prepare to be an “us”.  Go to your accountability team, yes I said team.  Prayerfully you have a person or people who you are accountable to.  If  you’ve watched any of my vids, you know I always tell singles that they should have mature people in their lives who love them enough to tell them the truth (in love).  Be honest with them about what you’re dealing with; no one can help you if you’re lying.  Host some gatherings with friends and family: game night, dinner and movie, see the city like tourists, start a movie/book club, minister to those who don’t or won’t visit the local church.  There’s so much more to do than to be wasting time with someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. Time is one thing we can never get back.  Choose how you spend yours and whom with wisely.

Know Your Worth



I pray that as you read this you would become vigilant about knowing and protecting your worth.  Know that you are royalty and should be treated as such for anything less would simply be uncivilized. (Some of y’all will get that.)

I am convinced that one of the reasons many of us allow ourselves to get into unhealthy relationships and situations is because we simply do not know who we are, and or our value and worth.  Somewhere along the way we have accepted the lies and tricks of the enemy about who we are.  Many of us have grown up in homes where we weren’t affirmed and so the world told us who we were and what our value was.  We looked for acceptance and approval any way we could get it from whoever would give it.  And because we don’t value ourselves, we settle.  We settle for the attention of the first man who pays us some attention and we end up putting up with sub par treatment.  Don’t mess around and get caught up with a Nabal (I Samuel 25)!  We end up mismanaged and damaged.   By the time God sends you your man of God your king, you’re beat up from the feet up.  He has to chisel away layers of hurt, mistrust, rejection, low self-esteem, rage, insecurity and self hate before he can even get to you!  It’s not fair to make him suffer because of what someone did to you who didn’t know the value of what he had.

Consider this. Whenever we purchase an item, say electronics for example, and have difficulty with it, we refer to the manufacturer settings to reset it back to its original state.  I challenge and encourage you today return back to the Manufacturer’s settings.  Return to the One Who created you.  Jeremiah 1:5 says that before the Lord formed you in your mother’s womb, He knew you and approved of you as His chosen instrument, and before you were born He consecrated you to Himself as His own.  Do you not know that you belong to The Most High God?  He is jealous for you.  He loves you with an undying love.  You are His daughter and He doesn’t want you mishandled or abused.

You are highly valued.  Know your worth and stop giving people (men, boys) discounts.  My pastor always says that greatness never goes on sale.  Stop giving boyfriends access and benefits that are solely reserved for husband heaven’s official Bae.  Stop allowing yourselves be strung along with the hope or promise of marriage when you know his intentions are not to build kingdom legacy with you.  You are worth so much more than that.

Don’t believe me?  Read and meditate on what God says about you:

  • You are the apple of His eye. You are loved, cherished and highly valued.  (Proverbs 7:2; Zechariah 2:8; Jeremiah 31:3)
  • You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  (Psalm 139:14)
  • God has awesome plans for your future!  (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • You are royalty and an heiress to His throne and you lead with integrity.  (Romans 8:17; Galatians 4:7; I Peter 2:9)
  • You are accepted.  (Romans 15:7)
  • You are complete in Him.  (Colossians 2:10)
    • A man or a relationship doesn’t complete you.
  • You are His incredible work of art.  (Ephesians 2:10)
  • You shine like a firework in the night!  (Philippians 2:15)
  • You are courageous.  (II Timothy 1:7)

As you read over these, ask God to show you you through His eyes.  Begin to see yourself as the Father does.  Hide yourself in His presence and allow Him to reset you back to His settings.

Kingdom Blessings,








In the Meantime



All my single ladies! Where ya at? (I know it’s grammatically incorrect, but go with it.) So let’s talk about the meantime. You know, the space of time that happens between events, the time in between, for the time being, the interim.  Yeah…that.  If you’re single and desire marriage, what you do in the meantime is crucial.  To be quite honest, anything you do while in your meantime s it relates to any part of your life is crucial. But for this particular blog, we’re talking singles.

Sometimes the meantime can be just that, a mean time, but it doesn’t have to be. I want to encourage you to make good use of the time you have now while in your [temporary] single state.  What are you doing? Are you working on you?  Are you allowing God to show you yourself (you know the things we do that God isn’t pleased with)?  Have you confronted the issues of your past (forgive yourself, forgive others, apologize when necessary…)?  Are you even in a place to receive what you’re asking God for?  This is huge because we often ask for things we’re not ready for. What are you doing to aggressively advance God’s Kingdom? (Are you operating or being developed in the ministry/areas of ministry He’s called you to?  While God is concerned about every detail concerning you, He’s also concerned about the posture of your heart.  If you’ve ever heard the saying, “You’re the biggest project you’ll ever work on,” you’ll find it to be true. Some of us are so preoccupied with dating and marriage and what he better have if he thinks he’s going to get with “all of this”, that we really hadn’t even bothered to take a deeper look into what “all of this” he’s actually getting.  Know that the man of God has standards and expectations too.  If you’ll really allow God to develop you, you’ll find that you don’t have the time or space to be preoccupied with the romanticism of dating, marriage and fantasizing about it all.  Yes, I said it! Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be married.  I too am a single woman who desires to be married. All I’m saying is, let’s keep things in their proper perspective. Make sure you’re an asset-not a liability.  Stir up the gifts God put on the inside of you. Some of you are authors, entrepreneurs, coaches, counselors, mentors, inventors, investors and bosses! Let the man of God find you busy flowing in what God called you to do.

Consider the scripture Luke 19:13 where Jesus uses a parable (story) about money usage.  Even though the story is about money, see how it can relate to your meantime.  I say, “your meantime” because it’s unique to you and your station or season in life. What one person does in her meantime may not be what another does in hers. The Amplified Bible says, “So he (the story is referring to a wealthy businessman) called ten of his servants, and gave them ten minas [one apiece, each equal to about a hundred days’ wages] and said to them, ‘Do business [with this] until I return.'”  In other words, occupy, do business, get busy until I come for a return (with interest) on my investment.  How does this relate to what to do in my meantime?  I’m glad you asked.  The minas or money represent the gifts, talents and abilities that God has put on the inside of you. Money has value, so do your gifts, talents and abilities.  Money has direction, as do your gifts, talents and abilities. Money is a means of exchange, as is your gifts, talents and abilities. You are to do business: develop those things, allow them to make room for you, allow them to compound and gain interest until He comes for a return on His investment.  And most importantly, do it unto His glory.

Many Blessings to you in your meantime,




Meditating On His Love

Today in prayer I was prompted to thank God for His love.  My eyes began to swell with tears as I meditated over His love for me (I’m also a big crybaby).  Love is a verb, therefore it requires action.  Time and time again God has shown His love for us and continues to do so.  I began to meditate on how God loves me in spite of me being me.  And I thank Him for that.  I would like to think I’m a pretty nice person.  But the bible tells us that the heart is deceitfully wicked and no man can know it. (Jeremiah 17:9) When I acted out of character, He loved me.  When I had a funky attitude, He loved me. When I didn’t act like I loved myself, He loved me. When I murmured, complained about what I didn’t have and compared myself to my sister, He loved me.  His love is unending. It’s unconditional.  His love has changed me in so many ways and I am forever grateful.  I love the Lord with everything in me. And though I could never repay what He’s done in my life, I do strive to be a daughter that He can be well pleased with.  I strive to be more like Him.  Let us be mindful to love like He loves and see people through His eyes and not our own. And they shall know you by your love (John 13:35)!

First Blog Post: Let’s Get Aquainted

Hello and welcome to my blog. 145Girl was taken from my favorite bible scripture, Luke 1:45.  There’s so much in there!  The amplified version says, “And blessed [spiritually fortunate and favored by God] is she who believed and confidently trusted that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her [by the angel sent] from the Lord.”  Trusting in God takes faith- faith that says, “No matter what it looks like, sounds like or what ‘they’ say, I trust You Lord.”

145Girl is a blog dedicated to single women.  And while my blog may be dedicated to single women in particular, it is for all women: single, married, moms, professionals, college students, etc. On my blog we’ll discuss day-to-day life topics, recipes (because I get lots of requests) and encouragement to do and be all that God has purposed in our lives.

So in my first blog I just wanted to let readers know what I’m doing, what it’s all about and to introduce myself. I’m a 47 year old single mother of two; I have a 27 year old and an 8 year old. I’m from Gary, Indiana and currently reside in Memphis, Tennessee.

While single I have noticed a growing number of disgruntled single people, especially the women.  I want to encourage single women everywhere to wait and trust in God’s perfect timing and will for your life.  Myles Munroe said, “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.” Take this time to discover or grow in your purpose. Travel abroad. Start a business or two.  Go back to school.  Tutor some students. Volunteer. Write a book or blog.  Learn a trade or get a hobby. Seek God about doing the things that are dear to  His heart.  If you don’t know your purpose, then you’re bound to, or will allow someone else to abuse (misuse, mishandle, mismanage, damage, mistreat, exploit) your time, talents, gifts, abilities, and assets. Take this time to get your affairs in order and allow the Lord to do what needs to be done in you before marriage.  A married woman once told me to stay in the presence of God and learn how to woo Him. Let us remember that God is the only one we should ever be thirsty or desperate for.

I pray this richly blesses you,